Pre-Season Power Rankings!

All right you Sultans of Swat! With 13 days remaining until the start of the regular season, it's time to put prognostication skills to the test. I have reviewed your rosters, drafts, and Hot Stove moves to this point and have produced the following Power Rankings for the league. Get ready, there are some surprises here!

1) Stingrays I - Quite frankly, you can't mess with success. GM Jason Backus brought home the title of Yahoo Public League 63375 back in 2001, but the coveted fantasy trophy has eluded him ever since. But don't let his recent lack of championships catch you off guard. Backus has put together teams that have consistently placed in the top three in public leagues for the last six years. With Billy Bean-esque like consistency, he drafts good squads with the diligence of an ultra-nerd, even holding practice drafts in other leagues to make sure he's got the right squad. The work paid off and it shows. You are looking at the offensive powerhouse of the league. The Stingrays drafted seven fielders with 90+ Runs and RBIs. Watch out for that power. And, the pitching ain't bad either. Backus drafted 5 pitchers with 14+ wins last season. Watch out though, as it could be his Achilles heel, as many of his pitchers have high ERAs and HRs. Still, his offense should make up for any unforeseen shortfalls in pitching, putting him as the pre-season favorite to win it all.

2) Tiger Bandwagon - Anyone will tell you that Tiger Bandwagon GM, Brad Belsky is a stat-hungry, mathematical kinda guy. Aside from being a good human calculator, he knows how to crunch baseball stats. Sadly for him, in spite of his extensive fantasy baseball experience, he has never brought home a title in a Yahoo league-- effectively making him the Red Sox to the Stingray's Yankees. Could this be the year that his curse is broken? Only time will tell, but his draft makes him the preliminary favorite in the Hoaggie-Grinder League. The Bandwagon's strength lies in its pitching. Watch out for Chien-Ming Wang, Randy Johnson, AND Barry Zito. Belsky drafted a solid HR core too. But knowing the GM, he will never be satisfied. He's already made trades, and that will continue to be his MO for the remainder of the season. To quote Emperor Steinbrener, "If you don't like it... you're fired!" He's the favorite in the east, and will likely be nipping at the heels of the 'Rays all season.

3) Margaritas - The 'Rays main competition in the west will be literally on the other side of the house. Michigan native and Rockford GM Alix Backus' draft can best be described in one word: depth. Too bad she sold her soul to draft a bunch of worthless Yankees in order to get it! The Margaritas have five solid hitters as well as five solid pitchers with decent ERAs. Keep an eye on the amount of strikeouts she will rack up this year, it's going to be sick! And if there is any wasting away in Margaritaville, rest assured that GM Backus #2 has enough trading tokens to plug just about any hole. The Margaritas will be a top-tier team this year from the West.

4) Mike Made Me Do This - For the last time, I did not make her do this! But now, she's probably glad she did. She put her faith in the Yahoo rankings, and it certainly paid off, with a solid offensive core that will have no trouble scoring runs, hitting homers, stealing bases, and maintaining a decent batting average. To make matters worse for her eastern competitors, she has 3 15+ win pitchers, and a 30+ save closer with Tom Gordon. Watch out, her weakness this season will be pitching ERA and Errors. However, this will not be enough to derail her from wins throughout the season. So long as she keeps an eye on the team, look for this Boston gal from Jersey in the playoffs come September. (And it will be annoying the crap out of her baseball-crazy boyfriend, for sure.)

5) Pink Roos - The cross-apartment rivalry in Providence proves to be one of the more interesting match ups of this 2007 season. The Pink Roos top the Pawtucket Red Sox due to GM Kate Warren's die-hard, rookie determination in scoping out possible draft picks early. Her pre-rankings and #1 overall draft pick worked wonders, and proves that she knows her baseball. The Roos look to be a home run producing and base stealing machine. But the real killer is the Roos pitching staff! If she gets in an offense pinch later in the season, she should be able to trade away a pitcher for a little more offensive umph. But in the meantime, the Roos shall rule Rhode Island. It's a small dominion, but it will be hers nonetheless.

6) Pawtucket Red Sox - In keeping with the tradition of the Angels, this team should officially be known as the Pawtucket Red Sox of Providence. The PawSox of Pro-town came out of Wednesday's draft very strong, with the most evenly distributed batting stats in the league. GM Patrick Tigue drafted a lot of Red Sox, as his name would suggest, but hey, the Sox kick ass! The PawSox will likely be hitting a lot of home runs this season, making them a solid offensive power. The real interesting thing to watch will be the PawSox pitching squad. The GM drafted two 16 game winners in Roy Halladay and Josh Beckett, but also drafted the highly-touted Daisuke Matsuzaka (Dice-K). If Dice-K is the phenom every Sox fan hopes he is, there will be some celebrations down in Providence (not to mention the rest of New England), particularly if Mr. Tigue upsets his cross-apartment rival, the Pink Roos.

7) WickedGreen Monstahs - This is not GM Mike Carroll's first foray into the world of fantasy sports. The problem remains that he has CONSISTENTLY placed next to last in almost every fantasy league he's ever been a part of, putting him on par with Matt Millen of the Detroit Lions. But don't let his Boston colloquialisms fool you, he's come to play, with the intention of remaining competitive with the powerhouses of the East. In proving this, he's already engaged a fire sale of his draft, making four moves before play has even begun. Since doing so, the Monstahs have put together a solid pitching squad and a better rounded offense. The Monstahs will not win every category, but they should eek out enough victories to make it to the playoff bubble come September. Look out for the solid D. The Monstahs, like the 2006 Red Sox look to play a lot of error free ball this year.

8) Philly Cheesesteaks - In what is likely to result in some form of protest from GM Charles 'the Chuckster' Bowman, the Philly Cheesesteaks look at first glance to come at the bottom of the Hoaggie-Grinder League out East. But, Mr. Bowman is not down and out, and will likely start a heated rivalry with the Monstahs in Boston for the last playoff spot. Quite frankly, the Cheesesteaks are about equal with the Monstahs in offense and pitching. The only reason he's lower in line is because of his incessant nagging about when these power rankings would be posted. We'll get our first glimpse of this Boston-Philly match up in week 1. Prove me wrong Chuck, and I'll see you in the playoffs.

9) Gnome Gnorth Gninjas - Did anyone else catch themselves pronouncing this teams name wrong when they first read it? Sheesh. The 'Ninjas are also on the same level as the Monstahs and the Cheesesteaks, probably behind those two teams only by a batter. The real question for the Silent G's is reliever Eric Gagne. Will the Texas reliever play more than two games this year and round out the 'Ninja's relief core? If so, the 'Ninjas will also be on the playoff bubble. If not, they will have to go looking for a reliever and an extra bat mid season.

10) Hoot's Howitzers - Don't mess with the United States Military. I could say a lot of depreciating things about Howitzer's GM Matt Carroll, but he'd probably kick my ass, so let's just talk about his team. Wait a second, I can't just let this go... I am about two seconds from tearing up my brother's Red Sox Nation membership card for drafting Johnny "I Sold My Soul to Satan and Then Chopped Off My Hair" Damon. Dude! What were you thinking?!? I SHOULD DISOWN YOU AS A BROTHER!

The 'Hows have one of the better benches of the mid-tier teams, headed up by Big Papi himself, David Ortiz. The 'Hows potential weakness is in its pitching. It's very Chicago heavy, and most have ERAs over 4. Picking up another reliever could be the key to a new renaissance in Chicago.

11) Dirty Diamond D's - The Triple D's and their GM Jen (last name withheld cause she wouldn't tell me) picked the crown jewel of the pitching free agents in the draft last Wednesday, coveted starter Johan Santana from Minnesota, and to top it off added 17 game winner Freddy Garcia. The Triple D's weakness this season lie in the catcher and in the outfield. Mike Piazza is not the great catcher he once was, and more offensive production will be necessary to propel the D's forward. This is my sleeper special though folks! A couple of quick moves, and Jen (last name withheld cause she wouldn't tell me) launches ahead of most of the boys in front of her!

12) Knights of Darkness - There have been better times for this storied Detroit-based franchise run by GM Nick Enlow. Mr. Enlow won the now-defunct predecessor to this league, the "Wolverine Cross-Campus Nerds," back in 2003, bringing victory and glory to his dominion. But sadly, these days are, to quote D-town legend Ernie Harwell, "looooooong gone." The Knights have a decent offensive core, but its at the expense of its pitching squad, which needs some more depth, and is led by aging veteran Roger Clemens. If Clemens does decide to play later this season(and it better not be with the Yankees...) , look for the Knights to surge ahead a few rankings. A few trades and a couple of waiver picks and the Knights will be playing September baseball again!

13) We Want a Touchdown - The Commish certainly hopes that GM Stephen Bowman realizes that a touchdown is a football term, but... well. The "Footballers," in spite of their sport confusion will have a solid offensive squad this year, led by the pick of the catchers, Joe Mauer. The Footballers could use a little help with their pitching squad over the next couple of weeks. They are loaded up with the "yute" (youth) and have a 16 game winner in Atlanta's consistent John Smoltz, but the bench is not very deep. And with Pedro "Petey the Punk" Martinez in your rotation, nobody can say for sure if the Footballers pitching staff will last the whole season. I'll be looking for the Footballers to make a couple of midseason moves to stay in the race.

14) Loons - So, does father really know best? The patriarch of the Bowman clan from Midland. MI, Robert Bowman, believes that this old adage will pay off as he goes against the youngins in the League. Mr. Bowman drafted a goos pitching squad, with Detroit namesake Justin Verlander and Yankee golden boy Andy Pettitte. But the Loons seem to lack a true namesake offensive player, aside from whining poster child Frank Thomas and confessed STEROID USER and OUTRIGHT CHEATING LOSER Jason Giambi (sorry, Red Sox fan). Only time will tell if the rest of the offensive core pays off.

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Some of you may be thrilled in your rankings. Some of you may want to parade my head on a pike through Boston Common. In spite of the rankings this league looks to be ultra-competative in the coming weeks. For those of you towards the bottom, don't be discouraged. These rankings are all based on paper, not facts. Injuries happen, players have break-out years, and old geezers break down. If we based every season on pre-season paper stats then the following would have happened:

1) The Yankees would win the World Series every year.
2) The Tigers would have placed third in the AL Central last year.
3) A National League team would never win it all... like the Cardinals did last year.

So good luck! I invite you all to comment on this post. Or, even propose your own power rankings!

Cheers,
Daaaaa Commish